Ketamine- A Gateway to healing or a Hoax?
What Ketamine Taught Me About Control, Trust, and Play
Ever feel like being on a spiritual journey is like riding a wild roller coaster — hanging on with a death grip, not sure what’s coming next?
I’ve been there too.
I used to think healing meant working harder. Fixing. Forcing. Figuring it out.
But somewhere along the way, I realized — this path isn’t about doing more–it’s about allowing more.
What I’ve learned is that no matter where you are on the path, your Higher Self is always guiding you — quietly, patiently, through synchronicities and signs.
The whispers.
The full-body chills.
The things that “just feel right.
That’s how I live my life now. Open. Receptive. Trusting the breadcrumbs.
The Breadcrumbs That Led Me Here
Fifteen years ago, I started my healing journey with yoga — reluctantly. I was the “go hard or go home” type, disconnected from my body and emotions, living in my head 24/7.
Yoga cracked open a new presence in me. It led me to say yes to getting a Reiki certification, a daily meditation practice, shamanic journeying with my Helping Spirits, and an Intuitive Practitioner Certification— anything that felt like it could bring me closer to knowing myself more intimately.
I never imagined I’d say yes to psychedelic therapy.
I’d heard of Ketamine being used for depression and PTSD, but trauma healing?
That was new. Until The Divine led me straight to it.
It started like any other intuitive breadcrumb trail: a podcast. Dr. Mark Hyman interviewing Dr. Sara Gottfried about trauma’s link to autoimmune disease. Her words gave me full-body chills — the kind of knowing that bypasses logic. I ordered her book immediately, and there it was: Ketamine and MDMA therapy, not as quick fixes but as deep healing portals.
I followed my curiosity — and my body’s “yes.” After hours of research, podcasts, and testimonials, I found a therapy center nearby. Five stars. Ethical. Safe. My intuition was loud and clear: this is the next step.
So I booked the session. No hesitation, just trust.
As the saying goes, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. Ketamine became my healing professor
The First Step in My Journey: Losing My Mind to Find My Soul
That sunny afternoon, I sat in the therapy chair with Dr. Drake and his wife, Jacqueline, an ER nurse and art therapist. After a short meditation, I put on the headphones, lowered the eye mask, the music began, and the first injection was administered into my right shoulder.
At first, it was pure sensation — buzzing, dissolving, drifting. My body lifted off from my physical existence. Because I journey and meditate regularly, my mind slipped easily into non-ordinary reality.
Then came the fear. The sensation of not being able to breathe. A deep, cellular panic — the kind that lives in the body long after trauma ends. I’ve had severe asthma my whole life, and was once intubated in the ICU for ten days. That near-death experience left an imprint I didn’t even realize I was still carrying.
And then infinite blackness. It was as if I was moving into a portal of space and quickly found myself floating amongst the stars. I felt as if I was everything yet nothing at all.
The scene quickly changes as the music changes. I was riding the wave of what was in front of me. Swirling into the portal of darkness.
In the void, I heard a voice:
“Feel into the breath. The body is your safety.”
It was my Higher Self. My guides spoke to me as I called them in for protection.
The message was clear.
Stop leaving.
Stop analyzing.
Stop scanning for danger.
That was my first profound lesson.
As the session deepened, I felt a wave of surrender wash through me. The Ketamine didn’t give me a choice. It wouldn’t let me control or narrate anything.
I had to let go. Completely let go.
I heard the whisper again:
“Let go of control. Trust and allow it to be.”
And just like that, I realized how much I’d been gripping — not just in this moment, but in life. Trying too hard. Over-managing outcomes. Living in quiet rigidity.
I was losing my mind to find my soul.
The rest unfolded like a dance between shadow and light — laughter, tears, awe, peace. I saw a wave of fire sweeping over the sun. I watched in pure reverence.
It felt like being broken open in the best possible way.
There were moments of laughter, which led to tears. Then back to bliss and joy.
I can remember thinking to myself, everyone needs to experience this. Yet I also questioned who the hell would do this at a nightclub or a party? I definitely wouldn’t advise on that!
The feeling of safety in the treatment room with the Doctor nearby allowed me to surrender and relax fully. The nurse held my hand to signal safety and support. I was incredibly grateful in that moment.
Integration: The Bridge Between Realms
The next day, I met with the doctor and nurse Jacqueline for integration — the most vital part of the healing process. Integration helps to bring the subconscious into conscious awareness. It’s how insights become embodiment.
Because once you see, you can’t unsee.
Once you know, you can’t unknow.
That awareness changes how you live, think, and choose.
I felt lighter. Rooted. Present in my body in a way I hadn’t been in decades. My mind could finally rest. My heart could finally lead.
Open-hearted living brings miracles when you allow it.
This is what I realized:
I don’t need to control outcomes.
My open heart will guide me.
I am safe.
I am worthy of love and support.
Ketamine felt like taking a chisel to the ice around my heart. Every other modality had softened the surface — this one cracked it wide open.
Embodiment is crucial for integrating what you discover on your healing path. If you don’t create time or space to live your lessons, they will show up like a spiral, in new and unexpected ways.
The Second Journey: The Lesson of Play
I was riding the wave of peace and presence from the first treatment, and in my mind, I knew what to expect. You can guess how that went.
On that day, I settled into that comfy recliner in the therapy office. This time, I was given a Virtual Reality headset and was asked to follow along with the meditation.
Jacqueline had me pull a card from her rainbow colored Oracle deck. To my surprise, I pulled Playfulness. Which didn’t resonate because in my mind, I wasn’t there for recreation, I wanted profound realizations and transformation. I was on a mission and playfulness wasn’t part of the plan.
I would soon find out why this card was so crucial to shifting my beliefs.
The doctor administered the injection into my right deltoid just as he did the week prior, and I was more than ready.
This journey felt different right away.
Immediately, I felt a sense of frustration. I wasn’t able to grasp anything tangible. I felt ungrounded and in nothingness.
My frustration grew as I was expecting my Higher Self to start in with the lessons I was there to learn. But still, I was just an energy floating in a non-ordinary reality.
My mind was saying that I wasn’t there for fun or play, I was there for a treatment. This was serious. I was serious and wanted to be taken seriously.
I felt this urge to scream and cry. I didn’t know what was coming next.
I went in expecting it to be colorful, fun, and exciting, but I experienced a complete contrast to that.
It’s funny how the medicine gives you exactly what you need when you need it.
Knowing what’s next is how I’ve tried to control outcomes.
If I can predict, I can protect.
If I can plan, I can prevent pain.
But that’s not living — that’s surviving.
I saw how my need for control had muted my joy, creativity, and capacity for play, creating pressure and tension within my mind and body.
What I learned was that playfulness isn’t irresponsibility — it’s receptivity. It’s trust in motion.
The lesson landed: You can be playful and still be powerful.
I often talk about surrender and trust in the Divine, but my rigidity and control were subconscious behaviors that had to come to light for transformation.
Healing begins when you can bring awareness to what has been hidden deep within the shadows of your psyche.
Know that your life is not fated and you can shift at any moment in time.
The Ketamine Journey Continued
Initially, I was doing six treatments as suggested. But ultimately, received only four.
Within those four short sessions, I learned some very valuable lessons that stuck with me.
My deeply held subconscious beliefs that I need to know what’s next to be in control, and I discovered that playfulness isn’t an act of irresponsibility.
I left after my 4th treatment knowing without a doubt that I am completely held and supported by my Higher Self and the Divine.
Ketamine therapy was a supercharged, deep healing experience that got to the root of my beliefs that had kept me stuck searching for answers for almost 15 years. After four weeks, I felt a deep internal soul shift that may have taken me many years to experience with other practices or tools.
My intuition guided me to take what I learned to become fully aligned with my Higher Soul Self in everyday, ordinary reality.
Although I am not perfect, my practice of releasing control and trusting in life has been the greatest gift to my nervous system.
What I Know Now
Healing isn’t linear. It’s layered, cyclical, and sacred.
Each session, each moment, reveals another part of the self waiting to be acknowledged, remembered, and loved unconditionally.
Moving from caterpillar consciousness to butterfly consciousness is an act of trust — believing you already have everything you need within you.
Your intuition is the bridge between your human self and your Higher Self. It’s not loud. It’s subtle, embodied, often inconvenient — but always true.
When we stop forcing and start feeling, we create space for the Divine to move through us.
This is what Ketamine showed me..It’s not a shortcut. It’s a mirror.
And if you’re willing to look — really look — it can help you remember who you truly are.
Making the unconscious conscious is the greatest act of self-love you can give yourself.
If you’re wondering, yes, Ketamine is legal, and yes, it’s administered by a doctor in a safe therapy center.
Your Invitation
If you’ve ever felt drawn toward something that made no logical sense — trust that nudge.
That’s your Higher Self leading you somewhere your mind can’t yet see or comprehend.
The journey isn’t about reasoning.
It’s about remembering.
And remembering begins when you surrender to Divine guidance.
Ease and flow are your birthright.
You’re meant for more.
And all of this is possible for you.
If this story resonated with you, share it with someone walking their own healing path. And if you’ve ever been led to something that changed your life leave a comment below. I’d love to hear what found you when you weren’t searching or seeking for the answer.
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About Soul & Mind Alchemy Publication
This space is for spiritually seeking women ready to heal and live aligned with their Higher Soul Self. By subscribing, you’ll learn to heal trauma, rewire old subconscious patterns, and trust in the guidance from your Higher Self to live with ease and flow. Through channeled messages, intuitive teachings, and real conversations, I help you reconnect to your own inner wisdom using the Akashic Records and subconscious rewiring work. I’m Nikki K.— Certified Intuitive Practitioner, Akashic Channel, Shamanic Healer, and Soul Writer — walking this path right beside you.