The Practice I Swore I Would Never Try Became My Gateway to Healing
From hustling for worth to finding peace on the mat
I used to believe that anything worth having had to come through blood, sweat, and an occasional mental breakdown. If I wanted it, I had to hustle my ass for it.
So when a friend casually suggested I try yoga, my immediate response was,
“Yoga? I don’t have time to breathe, let alone pretend to relax.”
In my head, I pictured soft music, candles, and a bunch of people stretching in slow motion.
Cute but not for me.
Little did I know — that quiet room, those deep breaths, would become the place where I finally met my body… and my soul.
Holding My Breath for 32 Years
I’ve had severe asthma my whole life — over three dozen hospital visits before the age of 32. But what I didn’t realize was that my lungs weren’t just struggling for oxygen — they were carrying my story.
You see, I grew up in chaos.
At ten months old, I was rescued from a fire that was sparked by my sleeping mom’s cigarette. She didn’t make it out, but my sisters and I did. A few years later, my father hooked up with a heroin addict who tortured and abused my sisters and me. My childhood was a mix of the movies “Flowers in the Attic” and “Mommy Dearest”.
So I learned to survive by going still.
If I were quiet enough, maybe I wouldn’t be hit with a bat again.
If I didn’t speak, maybe I wouldn’t be put in the corner on rocks for another 28 hours.
If I became invisible… maybe I wouldn’t lose my life.
So I held my breath — physically, emotionally, spiritually — for three decades.
Until one day, that same small, still voice that had been whispering for years said:
“Sign up for that yoga class.”
The Girl by the Door
My first class was a hot vinyasa. Of course.
Because apparently, I can’t even “relax” without turning it into a competition.
I placed my mat strategically next to the door — my safety exit, my way out.
Not consciously, but deep down, my nervous system was screaming: We need to escape if this gets too real.
And it did.
I left before Savasana.
Yep. I bailed on the nap part. I couldn’t imagine wasting my time just lying in a corpse position. That felt like torture; turns out it was five minutes of stillness I desperately needed.
At the time, stillness felt dangerous.
Movement was safe.
Control was safe.
Silence… meant death.
When the Body Becomes the Teacher
But I kept going back. Because I couldn’t do the one thing yoga actually asks you to do—breath.
I was used to pushing — in workouts, in life, for the sake of surviving.
I didn’t know how to soften or even where to start.
That first year on the mat was a struggle. I fidgeted, resisted, judged.
But my Higher Self kept pulling me back again and again.
It was my inner voice coupled with the stubborn part of me that whispered, Stay. You need this.
And so I did.
Bit by bit, yoga began teaching me how to be inside my body again.
To notice the tension, the resistance, the grief I’d buried under years of “I’m fine.” & “keep going forward”.
I learned to breathe deeper — not just in class, but in life.
To move my body with intention, without needing to prove anything to the world.
To be led, not driven to extremes.
And eventually… the tears came.
The Floodgates Opened
At first, I hid it — hand over my face, pretending it was sweat (it wasn’t).
But soon, the dam broke.
Sobs that had been trapped for decades poured out like a river finally meeting the ocean.
My tears represented a lifetime of pain that was finally being released.
Each tear was an exhale — a surrender.
Every cry was my body saying, “We’re safe now. It’s ok to let go”.
I wasn’t healed overnight. But yoga cracked me open just enough to let the light in.
It was the invitation — not the destination — of my healing journey.
The Long Exhale
Over time, yoga became my sanctuary.
The mat became my medicine.
The teachers became my healers.
The community became my support.
And after years of hiding by the door, I started to move freely around the room.
Because when you stop running from yourself, you realize… you were never trapped to begin with.
I even joined yoga teacher training — not to teach (not yet, anyway), but to understand why this practice had changed my life.
And the coolest part?
My daughters followed.
They found the same healing I did — one breath, one tear, one pose at a time.
Last month, my 19-year-old signed up for the same yoga teacher training I did 12 years ago. She’s already wiser than I was back then.
That, to me, is the legacy of healing — when your children don’t have to carry what you’ve already alchemized.
What Yoga Really Is
Yoga isn’t just stretching, incense, and “namaste”s.
It’s learning to breathe again after years of holding it in.
It’s unlearning your armor.
It’s giving yourself permission to feel — without fixing or fleeing.
It’s where the mind finally shuts up long enough for the soul to speak.
And funny enough, a yoga festival in the woods eventually led me to my psychic advisor — the one who led me down my path even further.
Coincidence? No such thing.
It was soul-led alignment.
The Lesson
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Sometimes, the thing you resist the most is the thing that will set you free.
Your body already knows the truth. It’s wiser than we give credit to.
It’s your mind that keeps arguing, rationalizing, and keeping you from what’s meant for your highest path.
Whether it’s yoga, breathwork, painting, or walking in silence — find your version of stillness.
Let your body lead you.
Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new – it’s about returning to the part of you that was abandoned to stay safe. The part that’s been waiting for you to finally exhale.
The Invitation
So here’s my invitation to you:
Pause.
Breathe.
Listen.
Your next breakthrough might not come from pushing harder.
It might come from finally letting go.
Ease and flow are your birthright.
And maybe, just maybe, all it takes to begin is one deep, conscious breath.
If this story stirred something in you — that’s not random.
That’s your body remembering what it feels like to breathe again.
If this message resonated, share it with someone who needs that reminder today.
Let’s normalize healing out loud — messy, beautiful, and real.
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About Soul & Mind Alchemy Publication
This space is for spiritually seeking women ready to heal and live aligned with their Higher Soul Self. By subscribing, you’ll learn to heal trauma, rewire old subconscious patterns, and trust in the guidance from your Higher Self to live with ease and flow. Through channeled messages, intuitive teachings, and real conversations, I help you reconnect with your inner wisdom using the Akashic Records and subconscious rewiring. I’m Nikki K.— Certified Intuitive Practitioner, Akashic Channel, Shamanic Healer, and Soul Writer — walking this path right beside you.