You Were Never Meant to Carry It All Alone
Are you hiding your truth? How our spiritual journeys keep us isolated and alone.
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Choosing the path of awakening seems to have an attraction to it when you’re at the very beginning.
It’s a whole world of adventure that hasn’t been seen or experienced. There’s an underlying excitement about the treasures that can be found.
I remember when I first began my journey a decade ago, which began with a psychic reading from a young woman who later became my business mentor. There was a sense of awe and wonder as I walked this journey, saying yes to everything I found interesting, magical, and mystical.
I started to attend intimate circles on manifesting, abundance, and optimal health. I joined psychic workshops that taught me how to use pendulums. Then, a whole series on Tarot as a divination tool. Then it was numerology as a life path guide. I said yes to becoming Reiki certified, which was kind of a shock, considering I always poo-pooed the practice. But when I first felt the energy, I couldn’t deny it was real. It activated something powerful within me that I had never felt before.
I signed up for and completed my yoga teacher training with no clear plan for where it was going. I studied intuitive development and the Akashic Records and became a professional guide for others. None of these things were ever on my bucket list. I let my curiosity guide me to the next thing. It’s funny how when we allow ourselves to be in awe, things just magically show up.
But the one thing about this journey that stands out the most is the inner pull that no one talks about. That force rearranges the way you view life. It takes you to the depth of your soul and into places that have never been visited. It brings buried emotions to the surface that have been anchored deep in the darkness where no one can see. These feelings come up to be seen, felt, and experienced.
The spiritual journey of self-discovery can be a very lonely one.
The initial excitement can fade and turn into unprocessed rage. The wonderment suddenly turns into grief. These feelings can be raw and intense once they are revealed.
Eight years ago, I was struggling in my marriage to my high school sweetheart. In my awakening, I was becoming someone I wasn’t before. I was opening up to my truth. I was questioning how I was living my life and what its meaning and purpose were — not the meaning assigned to me by survival, but the meaning I was placing on my own life.
My husband was changing too. We were discovering who we were individually outside of our union, which wasn’t easy after 25 years together. I discovered a bottled-up rage and resentment I had been quietly carrying for 15 years. He wanted more of me and I was pulling back, because I didn’t truly know who I was. I was meeting myself for the first time. I was remembering who I was before I buried myself in coping mechanisms and survival strategies.
It was a difficult and transformative time. I was carrying incredible pain and having a hard time releasing what was ingrained into my physical, mental, emotional, and energetic bodies. Learning to show all parts of me was the exact connection he desperately wanted but couldn’t explain with words. I became more open, and he felt more loved. The rage became acceptance. The grief became forgiveness. The relationship became a lesson in love.
Not enough people in spiritual spaces are talking about this.
We stay safe by staying silent. Sharing that I just punched my steering wheel ten times in a fit of rage and cried a rainstorm of tears for an hour in the car isn’t something we hop onto social media and share with pride. We feel shame and guilt for what we label as negative emotions. So we conceal the tears, put on a happy face, and parade around as if everything is love and light and high vibe.
I know what it’s like to hide with embarrassment. I know what it’s like to cry a waterfall of tears in a ceremony and still feel shame, even after doing all the inner work. The question becomes: why am I still here doing this? Why does this silent ache still feel like a two-ton Mack truck sitting heavy on my heart?
Here’s what I know to be true: we aren’t meant to walk this path alone. But it’s our ambition and pride that keep us separated from those who can witness us with loving compassion.
Messy is the new normal. Not the kind of messy that is destructive or irresponsible, but the kind that feels like you’re falling to pieces to make room for the parts that belong.
Quiet containment is dangerous. We weren’t meant to hold it all together in silence.
Our biggest ally on this path is loving, compassionate witnessing, not just from our Guides or Higher Self, but from another person who can help carry the load. Who can look at you and say, I see you. I know this has been hard.
Maybe you’re like me, an observer by nature, someone who likes to be in their own energy. Independent and doesn’t need anyone. I get it. That self-sufficiency has taken you places. But what if you let someone peek inside, not the edited I am doing great version, but the t-shirt soaked with tears, I wanna rage-scream and punch the steering wheel version? Then they could see all of you. Authentically open and ready to receive love and support.
My psychic mentor once told me that using our voice to express ourselves openly allows energy to move more quickly than staying silent. There is an alchemizing power in speaking your truth. Think about it, have you ever been really upset, trying hard to process internally, and the moment you tell someone what’s going on, you feel instant relief? Like a load of bricks just lifted? That’s not a coincidence. Our pain isn’t meant to sit within the body and psyche alone. That is how wounds become deeper and more hidden.
Safety in being visible is something I have really worked on. I used to bite my tongue, hold back my truth, and filter what I thought people wanted to hear. My body won’t let me do that any longer. The loss of my voice, the rigidity in my body, and the long-held silence no longer dictate my choices or feed my fear of being seen.
If you’ve sat in community with me, you know I’m usually the first one to cry. And I no longer apologize for it. I think tears are a symbol of strength and resilience; it’s the willingness to be fully witnessed. That, to me, is courageous.
You don’t have to show up to your next workshop with a box of white fluffy tissues ready to let it all go. But you might say a sentence or two about what’s truly happening in your inner world. When someone asks how you’re doing, the automatic I’m good slowly becomes honestly, it’s been hard. Not because you’re spilling everything, but because you’re courageously letting people in.
You never know who shares the same experience of loneliness, rage, grief, confusion, all the things that come from exploring your spiritual soul self.
One Honest Moment
Loneliness does not originate from the journey itself. It comes from hiding. When you withhold your truth, you are not protecting yourself; you are guaranteeing the exact disconnection you’re trying to avoid. You can be in a room full of people and still feel completely alone. That is a choice.
You can’t fully heal in isolation. Full, embodied healing requires trust, and learning to trust that you don’t have to do this alone is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself.
Your journal isn’t the only witness available to you. There are people who would love to sit with you and hear the inner workings of your heart, mind, and soul. Recognize who is safe and practice being open. And don’t worry about being a complainer, it’s not just about the struggle. Practice sharing the joys, too.
One real conversation, one moment where you let someone fully see the unedited you, can break the spell of isolation. It always starts with one small act of loving kindness toward yourself.
Your energy and insights are a gift. Don’t withhold them from the world. Don’t be afraid to be unapologetically you.
That’s what the world needs most right now.
All my love, Nikki K 🩷♾️
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If you’ve been on a spiritual journey and are tired of living in isolation, I invite you to book a discovery call to explore how working together can help support you on your path back home to your Higher Self.
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I resonate so deeply with this article, I could have written it myself! The article in my drafts was titled "The loneliness of personal growth" - I'll just restack yours instead ;)
I feel so much of this. I loved hearing your journey. It really can be so lonely to become yourself but not be sure how to share it with others.
I do feel there’s another side to this - that you can share your true self to people you have known, and it not be accepted because the other person is still used to the old versions of you. They still need to accept and embrace you, and sometimes they’re not there yet, and that’s something to grieve.